How Do You Know?

How do you know when life is actually worth it? Sure, it has its INCREDIBLE points... but then, more often then not, you mess it up. Is it worth causing such heartache and pain to, not only yourself, but the ones you love as well? Sure. So maybe they forgive you and see past your mistakes. What if YOU can't? Aren't they always saying something like "It doesn't matter what happens, as long as at the end of the day YOU are happy"? Well what if you're not? What if you can't get over it? If you can never forgive yourself for what you've done. So I may not be a killer or a thief, but I'm worse, in my opinion. There are things one can do and things one can cause that surpasses death. Its effect on others is SO great. Maybe the truth is overrated. I know it's made me feel even worse. At least before the truth, I could hide away and pretend it never happened. What ever happened to "the truth shall set you free"? Now, however, I must face it and the repercussions that it has caused. My life has, for the most part, been a fairytale, but only when viewed from the outside. I'm not one to complain and bitch and moan, quite the contrary actually. I keep things inside. Keep them hidden away so they can't hurt anyone else. But I need SOMETHING. Somewhere I can go to get it all out. This is my last resort. I've seen the effects of leaning on others for their help and it's just not worth it. I've finally found what I've wanted for my entire life, and what do you think happens? I screwed it up. I feel nothing anymore except shame and guilt. I'm nothing more than a walking corpse anymore. Sometimes I wish I hadn't lived a fairytale. Then maybe I wouldn't be so adventurous, thinking everything will work out in the end. It's just an illusion. Maybe nothing ever works out for people. And when it comes time that they've tried one too many times...that's when they die. Maybe death isn't the END. Maybe it's a solution. A new chapter. A saving grace.