Fairytales.

Life. Hope. Both have wonderful connotations, true. But what was the ONE thing left in Pandora's box? Hope. Everyone expects life to be the wonderful thing, and as the saying goes "Life is what you make of it". But we are flawed humans. We automatically make mistakes. So if life is what we make of it, and we are constantly making mistakes...is life a mistake? Hope keeps us from death, but hope also never fails to let us down, making things seem even worse than they really are. Little girls are raised on fairytales. Biggest mistake ever. Don't teach these innocent and naive children that they will always live happily ever after and that their life will be all sunshine and daisies. It won't. You feed them all this false hope, and then you have the audacity to actually be SURPRISED when they go into a state of depression 15-16 years down the road. You're insane. Let's set one thing straight shall we? FAIRYTALES. DO. NOT. EXSIST. Providing these copious amounts of false hope to our youth is complete lunacy. When they come crying to you in their teens saying "Mommy, my heart is broken" (if they're still talking to you at that point), I want you to look at your little girl, smile, and say "Well of course it is honey. That is exactly what I knew would happen when I told you all that bullsh*t for so many years." I feel as though many of us would become realists if not fed the lies in our early years when we are so vulnerable. Less chance of getting hurt as easily, and a greater chance to think logically with a clear mind. Being realistic is highly underrated. Then, later on, when that same child is contemplating killing themselves, if they talk to ANYONE there is one standard answer. Can anyone guess what that may be? If not, you're an idiot. But anyways...let me enlighten you. That answer will of course be, "Everything will work out." "It will all get better" You know what I say? What a crock! Why lie? Yes, sometimes it will get better, and sometimes they will get that happy ending. But what happens MOST of the time? It doesn't get better. It never does. But because of hope, we simply view it differently. Our lives never really change. They never truly get better. It is merely our OUTLOOK on life that changes, giving the illusion that all is well. So maybe next time you go to read your little one a bedtime story, you should pass over Cinderella, and reach for The Brothers Grimm.

How Do You Know?

How do you know when life is actually worth it? Sure, it has its INCREDIBLE points... but then, more often then not, you mess it up. Is it worth causing such heartache and pain to, not only yourself, but the ones you love as well? Sure. So maybe they forgive you and see past your mistakes. What if YOU can't? Aren't they always saying something like "It doesn't matter what happens, as long as at the end of the day YOU are happy"? Well what if you're not? What if you can't get over it? If you can never forgive yourself for what you've done. So I may not be a killer or a thief, but I'm worse, in my opinion. There are things one can do and things one can cause that surpasses death. Its effect on others is SO great. Maybe the truth is overrated. I know it's made me feel even worse. At least before the truth, I could hide away and pretend it never happened. What ever happened to "the truth shall set you free"? Now, however, I must face it and the repercussions that it has caused. My life has, for the most part, been a fairytale, but only when viewed from the outside. I'm not one to complain and bitch and moan, quite the contrary actually. I keep things inside. Keep them hidden away so they can't hurt anyone else. But I need SOMETHING. Somewhere I can go to get it all out. This is my last resort. I've seen the effects of leaning on others for their help and it's just not worth it. I've finally found what I've wanted for my entire life, and what do you think happens? I screwed it up. I feel nothing anymore except shame and guilt. I'm nothing more than a walking corpse anymore. Sometimes I wish I hadn't lived a fairytale. Then maybe I wouldn't be so adventurous, thinking everything will work out in the end. It's just an illusion. Maybe nothing ever works out for people. And when it comes time that they've tried one too many times...that's when they die. Maybe death isn't the END. Maybe it's a solution. A new chapter. A saving grace.